Dealing with life's black dog.

I found this old blog of mine, and after reading through some of the old posts I had up, I decided to re-launch the blog, and treat/address a season I currently find myself in. Depression is difficult thing to walk through, and even though it has become increasingly more acceptable to reach out for help, it still feels incredibly isolating.

So why "The Black Dog?" Famously, Sir Winston Churchill named his depression his black dog that would sit on his lap, and haunt him. It's an image, an interesting point of view on a very challenging emotional state. 

All of that setup to say, starting a few months back, I launched headfirst into a very hard season. It was a perfect storm (to borrow a cheesy 'ism) of events that all aligned ironically well. The catalyst that kicked off the events was an incredibly busy season at work. The work itself wasn't all that challenging, it did however tire me out to the point that my daily care routine fell short, an soon became non-existent (mistake number 1). Hindsight being 20/20, the work itself didn't do the damage, the tiredness and lack of discipline on my part was the damage done at this phase. 

Phase two, in a short period of time, a very dear friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer, and began their challenging battle with the disease. Soon after that, our 6 year old family dog spent an entire weekend not eating, and having intestinal issues, which ultimately led to her being hospitalized. Many tears were shed over these happenings as the fear of losing beings close to me is very real and persistent. 

From a work perspective, I don't work in a terribly fast-paced environment. However the line of work really calls for mental engagement, as each and every moment of your day could change drastically. It also really challenges your perception of yourself. Managing clients on a down economy really puts to the test, ones ability to charge headfirst, yet understand the no. One of the biggest challenges I have in my work world, I blame myself. If my clients make a decision that negatively impacts my companies line of business, I not only blame myself, but I project that blame onto how I experience other people. I allow myself to feel blamed, and like a failure. 

So long story extremely short. Here I am, middle of December, recognizing the face of my black dog that has come to visit, sit on my lap, and haunt for a season. I decided to document this season, and recognize it as a time to explore myself. 

Thank you for reading this, I would be honored if you would join me on this journey. 

- T